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I’ve always been fascinated by difficult conversat

I’ve always been fascinated by difficult conversations. Mostly because I really don’t enjoy having them.

Which is slightly ironic considering I once had a job in TV working for the BBC where I spent 3 months sent in to persuade some very angry people we’d secretly filmed to sign release forms.

Perhaps a story for another day….

But I learnt early on that being right and getting somewhere are two very different things.

We can spend hours rehearsing our argument, and very little time thinking about how to actually have a useful conversation.
And there’s so much at stake. Relationships, opportunities, money, not to mention the hours we lose replaying conversations in our heads.

The good news is that communication isn’t some magical gift reserved for people who seem to get along with everyone.
There are skills behind it. And we can learn them.
Sharing four of my favourites here…. #nlp #communicationskills

Another day on this app. Another journal being sol

Another day on this app. Another journal being sold to me. Another morning routine promising to change my life.
And look some of these things can be temporarily useful. They can give us structure, make us feel productive and even leave us temporarily motivated. But are they actually getting to the heart of what’s keeping us stuck? I want to get under the bonnet. What’s actually happening? What’s keeping that behavior in place? What is it doing for you that you might not even be aware of? As my clients will know I’m far less interested in giving them another thing to do, and far more interested in changing what’s happening beneath the surface. Because lasting sustainable transformative change shouldn’t have to depend on you constantly pushing yourself to be different. It’s about freeing yourself from the old patterns so you just get to be you. #nlp #mindset #freedom

We can be so so hard on ourselves for changing our

We can be so so hard on ourselves for changing our minds. Especially when it something we were something so sure we wanted. A job and a version of success….Something you spent so so long building towards.
There can be a sense that we have got something wrong, that we should have known better. But why do we expect the things we want to stay the same when we don’t? What feels important to you shifts. Are you still choosing this path? Or are you just continuing on it?

I need to change my career. Or even I need a new j

I need to change my career. Or even I need a new job.
It is a huge sentence. It might niggle for a while before you consider taking action and where to even start?

If you are considering the job search or a career change and are feeling stuck or procrastinating here is something to have in your back pocket.

If you’d like some guidance throughout the process it’s one of the main reasons people get in touch with me. I have availability starting in October #careerchange #jobsearch #lifecoach

Sometimes a pattern can become so familiar that it

Sometimes a pattern can become so familiar that it starts to feel like personality.

I have lots of clients who tell me at the beginning, I’m a people pleaser. And by the time we finish working together, they wouldn’t describe themselves that way anymore.

We haven’t changed their personality. They haven’t suddenly become a different person.They’ve become aware of a pattern they developed for a really understandable reason, often to fit in, stay safe, avoid conflict, be liked or feel in control.

A pattern that was once useful can become so well rehearsed that you stop experiencing it as a choice.It just becomes automatic. Kind of like the way you know how to open a door, you don’t think about it, that’s the way you communicate with others.

And when something is automatic enough, it can almost pull you into a trance. You respond before you’ve really noticed what is happening, and afterwards it can feel like, “Well, that’s just me.”

The same can happen with anxiety.
“I’m an anxious person” can become the explanation for everything, when sometimes there is a very specific pattern underneath it.

This is why I’m fascinated in what sits underneath the label people tell me they are. Not because the label is wrong, but because it can make a pattern feel more permanent than it actually is.

I have found through many years of this work when people are freed from these patterns they are actually free to be who they really really are.

#personaldevelopment #peoplepleasing #selfawareness #behaviourchange #anxiety

I write this to for you out there who is very good

I write this to for you out there who is very good at reading other peoples moods but struggles to know their own, always says they are fine when they aren’t, is always trying to say things ‘right’, avoids any scenarios where there is a risk of ‘getting in trouble’ and worries oh really worries about being too much. I see you.
#nlp #nlpmindsetcoach #peoplepleasing

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