Most people who come to me feeling stuck aren’t actually stuck.
What’s happening is something more specific — and once we find it, things tend to shift quite quickly.
Here’s what I notice, over and over: when someone says they feel stuck, it’s rarely about a lack of willpower or motivation. It’s usually one of two things. Either they don’t actually know what they want — they know what they don’t want, which isn’t the same thing at all — or there’s a pattern operating just below the surface that keeps pulling them back, like an invisible hand on the shoulder every time they try to move forward.
In NLP, we call these unconscious programmes. They’re the beliefs, rules, and ways of operating that got wired in long before you had any say in the matter. They run quietly in the background, shaping your decisions, your hesitations, your sense of what’s possible. You can’t always see them. But you can feel their effects.
The problem with most “get unstuck” advice
Most advice skips straight to action. Make a plan. Set a goal. Take the first step.
And that can work — if the block is just about strategy. But if there’s an unconscious pattern in play, taking more action just runs you into the same wall, faster.
What actually moves things is getting underneath it. Understanding what’s holding the stuckness in place, not just pushing past it.
What I do differently
In my work as a coach and hypnotherapist, I use NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) to help clients get out of their own way — but more importantly, to understand why they were in their own way to begin with.
One of the first things I explore with clients is the difference between moving away from something versus moving towards something. In NLP terms, this is called a toward/away motivation direction. Most people who feel stuck are very clear on what they want to escape — the job that’s draining them, the relationship that isn’t working, the version of themselves they’re tired of being. But ask them what they actually want instead, and it gets vague.
The brain doesn’t navigate well towards “not this.” It needs a destination.
A simple place to start
If you’re feeling stuck right now, try this:
Instead of asking “why am I stuck?” — which tends to keep you in the problem — ask: “What do I actually want?” Not what you think you should want. Not what would make other people comfortable. What do you genuinely want?
Sit with it. Let it be messy and unformed. You don’t need a perfect answer. You just need to start pointing your mind in a direction, rather than away from one.
If you notice resistance when you try to answer that question — that’s information. That’s often where the real work begins.
Ready to go deeper?
If you’re tired of going around the same loop and want to understand what’s actually keeping you there, I work with people 1:1 using coaching and hypnotherapy to get underneath the surface patterns and create real, lasting change.